Perhaps the best advice you can give someone about having a relationship with a married man is telling her not to even start. As my friend Jenna* told me, "You can't help who you fall in love with.
The love of your life just might be a married man." Being part of any couple can be challenging and unpredictable, as we all know.
You need to step back and identify the priorities -- your priorities -- in a relationship with a married man. Ensuring you have a life distinct from his that is your safe haven can make being the other woman, if not a secure, permanent position, at least one that is a bit more tolerable.
*name changed Kristen Houghton is the author of the hilarious new book, No Woman Diets Alone - There's Always a Man Behind Her Eating a Doughnut in the top 10 hot new releases at Amazon available now on Kindle, Nook, and all e-book venues. Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First" is ranked in the top 100 books by Tower You may email her at [email protected]
Let your friends know that you still want to go out with them regularly.
Don't always be so ready to cancel plans you have made with others to accommodate him. It allows you to see yourself through the eyes of another man who finds you interesting and attractive. It helps to remember that the man with whom you are intimately involved in "your other life" is not living as a monk with his wife.
Understand the basics of exactly what you are getting into, and what your status is.
Her close circle of friends might know about her affair, but she really cannot let anyone else, such as colleagues or her family, know.
She is alone most of the time and spends it waiting: waiting for her married lover to call, to come meet her, to share some precious time together.
She is not his wife, she is not mother to his children, she is not his parents' daughter-in-law.
Her chance for happiness hinges on a future that is highly uncertain, to say the least.